You care about your partner, but something between you doesn’t feel right. Sex may be difficult to talk about. You might miss feeling wanted, or worry about how much attention goes to porn, your phone, or people outside your relationship.
Perhaps you’re asking whether a behaviour is becoming compulsive. Or you’re simply tired of feeling distant and unsure how to change it.
You may be doing everything you can think of to make things better: taking on more, putting your partner’s needs first, trying not to upset anyone. Yet you feel stretched to the limit, and the closeness you hoped for still isn’t there.
Over time, that can turn into resentment. You may withdraw into your phone or the TV, or find yourself looking elsewhere for relief, excitement or a sense of being wanted. You might then feel ashamed of that too.
We can look at where all your effort is going. What are you hoping it will achieve? What are you holding back because you’re afraid of the response? What do you want, beyond keeping the peace?
Making sense of sexual behaviour
Perhaps porn, sexual messaging, or attention from people online has become a bigger part of your life than you intended. You may have tried to stop or cut back, only to find yourself returning to it.
Rather than rushing to label you, we’ll get curious about the pattern. What tends to happen beforehand? What does the behaviour give you in the moment? What happens afterwards, for you and in your relationship?
Understanding it doesn’t excuse behaviour that has caused hurt. It helps you make more deliberate choices about what you do next.
Talking about sex and closeness
You may want more sex, more affection, or simply to feel that your partner wants to be close to you. Bringing that up can feel risky. You don’t want to pressure them, but staying silent leaves you lonely. Sometimes the hurt eventually comes out as frustration.
We can work on identifying what matters to you and finding a way to say it clearly, without making your partner responsible for fixing how you feel. We’ll also look at how you respond when their experience is different from yours.
This is individual therapy, so your partner doesn’t need to attend. We focus on what happens for you and what you can change, while remembering that no one person is the whole problem.
How I work
I take an active, supportive approach. We can slow down particular moments, understand what’s happening, and practise ways to speak up and stay present when things feel uncomfortable. You don’t need to arrive with the right words, or already know whether what you’re experiencing is an addiction.
I offer individual therapy in Peterborough and online across the UK. If you’d like to see whether working together feels right, get in touch to arrange a free 15-minute consultation.