Why Good Men Still Struggle in Their Relationships (and How to Reconnect)

So many couples I work with want the same thing: connection, support, and appreciation. But too often, they end up stuck in a cycle of resentment and disconnection instead.

For many men, it feels like: “I give so much, but I’m still underappreciated.”For many women, it feels like: “I’m carrying the emotional load, and there’s no space left for me.”

👉 I’d love to hear from you. Which of these feels most familiar in your relationship (or in those you see around you)?

Ask your question

• I’m a man who gives a lot, but still feels underappreciated.
• I’m a woman who feels overburdened by the emotional load.
• We both want connection, but often get stuck in resentment.
• None of these fit me, but I see them in people I know.

Many men come to therapy because, despite working hard for their families, they feel underappreciated in their relationship. They’re caring, dependable, and genuinely want to keep the people they love happy. They put in effort at work, at home, and in their partnership—yet still feel shut out from the intimacy and closeness they long for.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many men with a high capacity for warmth, connection, and empathy end up feeling disconnected—not because they don’t care, but because the way they show love doesn’t always land as intended.

Why Do Men Feel Underappreciated in Relationships?

This struggle often comes down to social and cultural conditioning. From an early age, men are taught—directly or indirectly—that their role is to provide, fix problems, and stay strong. So when they try to connect, they might reach for solutions, physical touch, or “keeping the peace.”

What's often happening for their female partners

But their female partners are often carrying a heavy emotional load: organising the household, managing children’s needs, planning social and family life. Even with a supportive partner, the mental load and emotional labour can feel overwhelming.

And it’s not as simple as telling women to “just do less, relax more, or ask for support.” Many women know from experience that if they step back, things get missed, done incompletely, or forgotten—creating more stress for them down the line. Over time, it can feel easier (though far more draining) to “do it all myself” than to risk the fallout of handing it over.

The result? Both people feel unappreciated. Both crave support and connection. Yet instead of the closeness we crave, and because it can be so hard to speak up about how we're feeling , small conflicts spiral into the familiar cycle of criticism, defensiveness, and withdrawal.

My Work: Individual Therapy Focused on Your Relationship

It’s important to say I work with men individually—helping them explore their role in their relationship and experiment with new ways of relating. You get the chance to be vulnerable, honest, and curious in a safe space, while keeping your real partnership in mind.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding how both partners are impacted, empathising with the struggles on both sides, and learning healthier ways forward.

What You Can Gain From This Work

• Clarity about the patterns that keep you and your partner stuck.

• New tools for connection that don’t rely on fixing or defending.

• Greater confidence in asking for what you need without shame.

• More empathy for your partner’s struggles, without losing sight of your own.

• A pathway to intimacy and connection that feels natural and sustainable.

Because We All Deserve Better

I believe our intimate relationships are the heartbeat of our wellbeing. When they’re strained, everything feels harder. When they’re healthy, everything feels lighter.

If you’re a man feeling underappreciated, or a partner who longs for more support, know this: things don’t have to stay this way. With the right guidance, you can shift the patterns, rediscover connection, and build the kind of partnership where both of you feel cared for.

Because in the end, we all want the same thing: to love and be loved in ways that truly matter.

✨ Ready to take the next step? I work one-to-one with men who want to feel more valued and connected in their relationships.You don’t have to stay stuck in the same patterns—change is possible.

📩 Reach me directly at louise@ljccounselling.co.uk to book your first session or ask any questions.